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Monthly Archives: October 2013

3 Movie Plots That Would Have Changed Due to a Government Shutdown

Jurassic Park

John Hammond, Ellie Satler, and Ian Malcolm rushed to the control room, searching for chief engineer Ray Arnold. “If we can find Ray, we can get him to reboot the whole system and get the electric fences working across the island,” said John, panting slightly as he ran. “Then everything will be just fine.” He wondered to himself if it would, though. What a horrible turn this adventure had taken! Who could have predicted that populating an island with cloned carnivorous dinosaurs would result in bloodshed, though?

The trio reached the control room, and Ian threw open the door. They all gasped when they saw that the room was empty. “Look,” Ellie said quietly. “There’s a sticky note on Ray’s computer.”

Ian picked up the note and read it aloud. “’Took the last helicopter home. I was told to leave because all national parks are being shut down and employees will not be paid. Love, Ray.’”

“Blast!” John said. “I forgot about the government shutdown. If only—“

“Wait,” Ellie interrupted. “Are you saying that Jurassic Park is a US national park?”

“Well, yes,” John said. “You see, first it was my property, then Disney bought it for awhile and it all got very complicated, then the US government bought this land from them.”

“So… does that mean no one’s coming to get us off this island?” Ian asked. As he spoke, the group heard the unmistakable sound of a pack of velociraptors throwing themselves fervently at the control room door. “I guess no one told the dinosaurs about the government shutdown,” Ian said. He’d meant it as a timely, Jon Stewart-style joke, but given the circumstances it fell rather flat.

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