1. What do you have an appetite for?
- Mass hysteria
- All of the above
2. You’ve got a night to yourself. You spend it:
- Lurking in the shadows
- Skulking in the shadows
- Shadowing other people’s shadows
- Seeing Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit
3. If you have a flaw—IF being a key word—it’s probably that you:
- Care too much
- Care too little
- Are too hard on yourself
- Can’t stop, won’t stop
4. You’re lost in the big city, a la Macauley Culkin in Home Alone 2. What do you do?
- Solicit ladies of the night for directions; waggle eyebrows
- Hardcore parcour; scale the tallest building so I can get my bearings
- Make the best of the situation and establish a local business (this is your home now)
- Use Google maps? Or is this supposed to be what I’d do in Victorian times?
5. Surprise Rorscach test! Pretend you’re looking at an ink blot (use your imagination, okay?). What does it resemble?
- The dark hole where your heart should be
- Your hero, Batman
- Clumps of hair on a barber shop floor
- I can just say anything? Van Gogh’s “Starry Night”, I guess
6. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, it would be:
- Blood oranges. Or blood pudding. Blood something.
- Pop Rocks
- Hormel’s chill, high-sodium edition
- What?! Those are all horrible questions. I don’t understand what this quiz is supposed to reveal.
7. Your perfect date involves:
- Sparkling conversation, a carriage ride, a well-aged Cabernet
- Putt Putt, skinny dipping, Miller Light
- A home-cooked dinner, talking late into the night, a nice port
- Wait, isn’t this quiz about Victorian bogeyman? How is any of this relevant?
8. Let’s follow up with this date thing. If your first date goes well, what do you do for the second date?
- I don’t do second dates
- Something spontaneous
- Hesitate before calling, mumble something about having a good time and maybe going to a museum opening
- Dinner and a movie, I guess, but why does this matter?
9. You’re taking a quiz about Victorian bogeyman. How do you feel?
- Thrilled; I believe personality quizzes can reveal secrets buried deep inside ourselves
- Ecstatic; learning more about myself is my favorite activity
- Overjoyed; I’ve always wanted to know which Victorian villain I am
- Frustrated with the direction this quiz has gone
10. We’re almost done here. Last question, which is also the most important one. Which of these words most speaks to you?
Now On To the Results!
Mostly A’s: You’re Jack the Ripper
Congratulations—you’re one of history’s greatest monsters! You’re enigmatic and don’t often let people get close to you, but that’s only because you’re worried you’ll get hurt (or arrested and executed for all the horrific atrocities you’ve committed). You also have a tendency towards being a perfectionist, whether you’re wielding a sharpened knife or studying for that important midterm. You need to learn to let things go. Take a break from murdering, or studying, or whatever it is that’s been stressing you out.
Mostly B’s: Your Spring-Heeled Jack
Well bust my buttons, you’re that devilish specter that many a Londoner reported leaping about the city throughout the 19th century. You’re a kid at heart, and you find play much more important than work. You’re also an athlete, and you need an outlet for your energy or else you go a little crazy. Some people think there are times you should tone it down, like when you pulled that prank at the company Christmas party last year and it didn’t go over very well. Maybe find a better use for your energy, like hot yoga?
Mostly C’s: You’re Sweeney Todd
I say, you’re the spitting image of the demon barber of Fleet Street! You may have struggled with your original business, but you’ve gone on to become a role model for other entrepreneurs dreaming of a midlife career change. You’re a hard worker, and when you set your mind to something then by golly, you’ll achieve it (no matter how devious it is). You’re a textbook case of a self-made individual, but sometimes you take yourself a little too seriously, you know? Relax. Sit back and enjoy the meat pies while you can.
Mostly D’s: You’re Potpourri Charlie
You got Potpourri Charlie because you’re a little bit all over the place, aka you refused to participate in this quiz the way you were supposed to. I know, I know, you’re probably saying that you finished the stupid quiz and just answered ‘D’ a bunch, but you knew that wasn’t how it was supposed to go. You had the opportunity to learn more about Victorian history and—dare I say it—yourself, but you blew it, and now you get to be a non-descript Victorian bogeyman that I, the quizmaster, just made up. Buzzfeed would be ashamed of your quiz-taking attitude.